Today I'm thankful for Mr. Shahin "The Great" Sharifi. Today is our 9th wedding anniversary. Today is also our 13th anniversary of being together. And it was 11 years ago today that he totally surprised me by asking me to marry him.
I'm thankful that he always makes me laugh. I'm thankful that he is so non-phased by cat puke and other cat bodily functions. I'm grateful that he calls me out on stupid things I do, reminding me "that's not very yoga like." I'm thankful that he beautifies our yard and house and created the Jasmine Lounge oasis in our backyard.
I'm grateful that he is compassionate and generous. I'm thankful that he can get a good hate on with me:) I'm thankful that he is humble. I'm grateful that he is forgiving. I'm thankful that he never once verbally got irritated with me during vacation when I kept saying "mon" at the end of every sentence. Like "stay to the left mon" or "rum and coke mon."
I'm grateful that he recognizes that I'm always right, or at least let's me believe that. I'm thankful that every time I go out of town he's like omg, what am I gonna do without you and then cleans the whole house so I come home to a spic and span home.
I'm thankful that he puts up with my crazy schedule, working all the time ways. I'm thankful that he encourages me to be totally lazy and indulge in things like cupcakes and cocktails. I'm thankful he's a hot, ass rock star, so I can be a hot ass rock star's wife.
I'm grateful for my partner in crime of the last 13 years and I'm grateful that he is here to continue to be the yin to my yang.
Happy Anniversary Baby!
Ok, well obviously, spinal cord injury is a bitch. But there's so much more to it that people don't realize than just not being able to walk. As if that's not enough, right? If you're reading my little blog for the first time, my husband, Shawn, has been recovering from paralysis since January 23. In fact, he was diagnosed as a quadriplegic on January 23. The details all start here. And while technically Shawn didn't have a spinal cord injury, he was being treated as such since his spinal cord had been affected by the infection.
In the days following his surgery and his entry into in-patient rehab, we just wanted to know what's gonna happen here? Does someone recover fully from a spinal epidural abscess that caused paralysis? What are the chances he'll walk again? Shit, what are the chances he'll be able to just sit up again? What else can we expect?
The hospital people gave us some books to read and highly suggested that we read them. The books were helpful but are written without hope or possibility. They are written for the reality of paralysis and the side effects of it. In fact, I'm sure one of those books said, if you don't have movement below the injury site by such and such time, like within a week or so, that's pretty much it. Shawn didn't move his toes until 6 weeks after surgery. Even the surgeon, Dr. White, was concerned about this. And mind you, he NEVER gave us any kind of chances or percentages for anything.
So, of course, in the age of the internet, I spent hours googling spinal epidural abscess and paralysis, recovery from paralysis, etc... just to have something to give a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe my husband would recover, even just a little. And I didn't really come up with jack. Mostly there are medical abstracts and papers that throw around a lot of terms that I don't understand. Even with what, hundreds of thousands of blogs, maybe millions of blogs out there, I couldn't find anything to offer any hope. So, we just had to have faith that what was happening was happening for a reason and that it would all work out the way it was supposed to.
So how do you live like that? How do you get through each day? Well, you get through it by living in the present moment. Doing what you have to do right then and not getting wrapped up in the future, in what might be. And by being grateful for every tiny little thing, even the experience itself because ultimately it's a lesson, a teacher.
But I just wanted something, someone else's experience to draw from. And I couldn't find anything. So that's why I'm writing this. So I can tag the shit out of it and the next person that is sitting there googling spinal epidural abscess and paralysis will hopefully have something to give them some hope. Because Shawn is walking now. The wheelchair is in storage and will be donated to someone that needs it. The walkers have been returned to their owners who let us borrow them. And this is where he is 10 months since his initial onset of symptoms.
Part 2 of this, when I get around to writing it, will be about all the other "stuff" that happens besides not being able to walk.
This is my best photo ever. My husband standing and playing his bass.
Hubby playing at Jaxx, Friday evening. While the show was kind of lame for the fellas, very small crowd, it was good for me to take pics. I could get up close and not have to bump into people. Plus it was a night out with hubby. Almost a normal life. We're getting there.
Today is my husband Shawn's Rebirthday. This is the first day of a new year of life for him and is significant on so many levels. He's been to hell and back and now he's back baby! (as George Costanza would say)
It's a rebirth for both of us and our relationship together. There's been some struggles and challenges but each one has been a teacher, leading to less struggles and challenges every day. Each day is better than the previous.
So, Happy Birthday Baby. This next year will be amazing, there's no doubt. I love you more than ever.
The crocus started blooming on Tuesday. The day Shawn came home.
There's been so many gifts the last few weeks.
The biggest gift, Shawn's recovery progressing and his amazing, positive and inspiring attitude.
The next biggest, the strength given to both of us to endure and overcome this.
Then there's been gifts of food, gadgets and money.
There have been gifts of prayers, healing energy, Reiki, positive thoughts, encouragement and support.
The gifts above are a handmade card and homemade chocolate chip cookies.
I am grateful beyond measure for everything.
Shawn and I love Valentine's Day. Sorry, we do. There were plenty of years before we were together that neither of us would be thrilled about it. But since we've been together, it's always been a fun day for us. We get each other presents, we plan yummy food for the day and cocktails for the evening. And we make the day about love and being together.
This year, we couldn't do our normal celebration. There's that word again, "normal."
So we did a different celebration. We made a big Valentine's Day card, together, for each other. I gathered old cards, stickers, paper, scrapbook stuff and we made a kick ass Vday card! Right now it's hanging in Shawn's room at the hospital, but when he comes home, we'll frame and hang it. To always remember that different Valentine's Day celebration.
Everything that's happened and then today being Valentine's Day, has had me thinking about when I got married and the vows I made. About the commitment we made to each other. The whole for better or worse, in sickness and health. Our vows didn't actually have those words but said
Mina, do you choose Shahin to be your Husband, your companion and your friend? Do you promise to love him, respect him and value him through all of the circumstances of your life together?
I, Mina, give myself to you, Shahin, on this our wedding day.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow and forever.
I will trust and honor you.
I will love you faithfully through the best and worst, through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will be there always.
As I have give you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep.
And I meant every word I said. Those words just couldn't be more true. So, even though this Valentine's Day wasn't the "normal" deal, it's been one of the most meaningful and profound.
Frozen. It's frozen on the outside and I feel frozen. Outside there was already a shitload of snow and ice and now after yet another fucking blizzard there is more snow and ice. Seriously ... what the fuck? In all the years of wanting an epic snowstorm, so my husband and I could be snowed in together, the year it comes is when we can't. Because he is in the hospital, paralyzed. His own body frozen.
And I feel like I'm frozen in a nightmare. We both feel this way. When are we going to wake up? But we are awake. And our reality is that our lives are frozen in chaos.
So we're waiting for the thaw. For everything to thaw. The icicles, the snow, the nightmare and the chaos. That change will come. And then life will begin to bloom around us and within us.
Snowy tree taken from inside the front door. What's that in the background? Why that is a clearing sky after about 30 hours of snow.Today was an almost "normal" day. Normal in that I spent the afternoon working on some photos for a family that are long overdue. Normal in that I picked up my camera and took some photos. Normal in that I was able to just be creative and work on something that will bring smiles and joy. Normal in that I played a little game of fetch with Lucy. Normal in that I slept in, got up, had breakfast and coffee. But in this almost "normal" day, nothing was really normal. Shawn being here would have made it normal. While I was doing my thing, he would have been doing his, watering plants, working on the computer, taking a nap, reading. We would have had breakfast and coffee together, hanging out in the living room, watching the snow come down.
But he's not here. Instead, he's alone in a hospital rehab, paralyzed (hopefully, only temporarily). So really, nothing was normal. Our entire definition of normal has to change and right now we don't even know what that will be.
So right now, normal is actually chaos. Extreme chaos for both of us. Complete disorder and confusion. And all we can do is accept that.
The other thing that was not normal about this day was the freaking 20 inches of snow. Although, I guess for this winter that is turning out to be normal.
So this experience with Shawn's illness, surgery and now rehab is, of course, providing many, many lessons. I'm going to share those lessons from the last 3 weeks and will continue to share them as new ones pop up. Because I know more are coming.
Here we go:
Lesson #1: Dudes, please start taking your health seriously. Pay attention to your body. Tap into your intuition when it comes to your body. If your wife or girlfriend thinks you need to go to the doctor, please listen to her. She knows. Don't negotiate just go. Pain is the body's way of letting you know something is wrong.
Lesson #2: Ladies, don't let your dude negotiate his health care with you. Nag him to death if you have to because if you don't chances are he will let things slide until it's potentially too late. Pay attention for him even though you're telling yourself he's a big boy. I felt like Shawn was handling his crisis in spite of what my intuition was telling me. I thought about taking him to the ER that first weekend, when his only symptom was severe neck pain. I sure do wish I had. Maybe things would have been different, maybe not. But at least I would have done something.
Lesson #3: If you're in a relationship, write down all of your accounts, passwords, logins, etc ... You never know when one or the other of you is going to have to access all that. And get power of attorney now. That way if you want to know something medically you won't get the old HPPA bullshit. Especially if your s.o. can't speak/sign for themselves. Shawn and I have separate bank accounts and we split the household bills. I have my system and he has his. Know each other's systems because you really don't want to waste precious brain power on figuring it out. Know where each other keeps bills, records, etc... Understand what the other person is doing and how they contribute before something happens.
Lesson #4: Know where your s.o. keeps pants, socks, shirts, etc... Shawn does his laundry and I do mine. When I needed to find shorts, pj's, etc... to take to him, I had trouble doing that. Can you believe it? Now I have laundry of his that needs to be put away and I'm not sure where it needs to go. Once again, if I knew this, I wouldn't have to waste precious brain energy. As silly as it sounds, right now I'm wishing I knew this.
Ok, those are all the lessons I have for now. More to come. Hopefully something more profound.
And hopefully, I will be able to get some photos in soon. I'm ready to do some restorative things for myself, like picking up my camera.
Dear Universe,
You recently threw me a curve ball. But I'm not angry about it. I've accepted it for what it is. Obviously you have a Divine plan for me and my husband and I realize that. In fact, I can find gratitude in that curve ball that you've thrown. I'm grateful my husband is alive because what he had could have killed him. I'm grateful for every little bit of progress that he makes every single day. I'm grateful for all our friends and family and coworkers and complete strangers that have prayed for him and sent him healing energy and continue to do so. I'm grateful for my friends that have brought me food and helped me clean my house and clean our fish tanks and take me to the hospital in a snow storm. I'm grateful that I've been able to focus and get the household finances and logistics under control. I'm grateful that Shawn has disability insurance. I'm grateful that our health insurance is covering all of this so far. I'm grateful that my company is compassionate and flexible and understanding. I'm grateful that I get to come home to my kitties every night. I'm grateful for Shawn's amazingly positive attitude and determination. Clearly, I'm grateful for a lot. Because I know that the key to abundance is gratitude.
And this Divine plan of yours, well, I think it might bring more about than even you realize. First, it has made me love my husband even more than I thought possible. And I loved that man with all my might already. Second, Shawn's life is completely altered in an amazing way. He is going to come away from this a new man, as he said tonight, reborn, Shahin Sharifi, The Sequel. I can't even wait to see where this journey takes him and us but just based on his attitude it's going to be great places. And third, the pure inspiration that is coming out of this. Everyone is inspired by my amazing husband. I'm inspired by him in ways I never thought possible. Honestly, if your Divine plan was for Shawn to somehow change this world, well, your gonna get it.
But dear Universe, just like I have to take the good with the bad, well, so do you. And here is my gripe to you. More snow? Are you kidding me? And I'm not being funny here. Did I really need the extreme anxiety of driving home in snow last night, on dark roads, barely able to see, fearful that would skid off the road into a ditch at 9pm at night? Was that in the Divine plan? I don't think I needed that and I really don't see how it taught me anything. And Universe, you know how I'm all about life's adversities being our teachers. And I did write on the gratitude board that I was thankful I made it home safely.
And then this morning, I was actually going to do something restorative for myself and pick up my camera and take a picture of your little snow from last night, because it was pretty. Until, I opened the door and realized, oh yeah, I have to clean off my steps and car and dig out of that stupid snow before I could go to work. So, no, I didn't take any photos of that stupid ass fucking snow. Oh, and was it really, really necessary for that stupid ass fucking snow to keep falling off the trees in clumps onto my head? I mean right now, little tiny things, like having a decent hair day can be pretty huge for me, but no, large clumps of snow had to keep falling on my head, EVERYWHERE I went.
And now there's another FOOT TO TWO FEET coming our way???? What the fuck? Universe, surely you realize that it's so, so important to me to be able to see my husband in the hospital. Why are you making it more difficult for me to do so? And surely you know how much I've had to take on and get done but now I'm going to have to shovel out the car and steps and sidewalk AGAIN???? I sure could use that time for other things.
So dear Universe, I am begging for this snow to not come, if at all possible. Maybe I've got some anger that I'm wrongly taking out on the snow and if that's the case I promise to deal with that. Maybe you're sending it to force me to stay home and if that's the case I promise to back off some and reassess how my time is being spent and spend some more time at home. That's just really hard right now, as you should well know, I mean it is your Divine plan after all.
Ok, that's it. Thank you for listening. I guess I just needed to vent.
Sincerely,
Mina
Some friends of mine have asked "How are you doing this?" Or commented, "I don't know if I could do what you're doing." I gotta say 9 days ago I would have said the same exact thing. Before Shawn's emergency, illness, surgery, paralysis, I've never had to pull from the reserves. Sure, I've had some trying times but those pale in comparison.
Honestly, I don't know where the strength is coming from or how I'm doing it, it's just coming and I am just doing it. So I can only assume that somewhere deep inside me is some super human strength. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Reserved for something just like this. All the yoga stuff I read and practice, all the spiritual "guru's" books I've read, say it's there and sure enough, it is.
Through each step of this I have of course had moments where I thought, I can't make it through this. The worst moment being when the ER doctors came in after Shawn's MRI. We already knew that his condition was serious but when they walked in I felt their energy and the hardcore seriousness of this before they even opened their mouths. I'll never forget Dr. Dan telling me what was going on. Thankfully I was sitting down because my legs were shaking uncontrollably. If I had been standing, well, I wouldn't have been standing for long. I could feel myself not breathing and I could hear myself saying, breath. deep. now. And I did. Somehow I managed to not collapse, continue breathing and hear and understand every word he was saying while looking him directly in the eyes.
The second worst was at the other hospital ER the night before. I can't really get into a lot of details here about that night for potential legal reasons, but let's just say, seeing your normally extremely strong and seemingly indestructible husband collapsed in front of your eyes is enough to suck the life right out of you. To see him helpless and not be able to physically help is unreal. But I knew I couldn't collapse too, I had to be strong. And that strength just came.
Each day since his surgery, I've tapped into the reserves, to be strong for him and to just function and do what needs to be done. To be there in the hospital, smile, hold his hand, massage his feet, move his legs, whatever I needed to do to show him that we, together, will get through this, no matter what. Because we both have that strength in us. And I'm completely amazed at the courage, strength and resolve that Shawn has shown through all of this.
Thankfully, with the support of so many wonderful friends I haven't had to tap into the reserves for things like grocery shopping, making food or cleaning my house. And that is huge.
What I'm learning is that these reserves are there, no matter what, in all of us, ready to be
tapped into when needed.
And yes, I know that I will need to replenish these reserves and I will. In fact, I'm going to bed right now (9:30!!) to do just that.
My life, my husband's life and our lives together will forever be defined by before January 23, 2010 and after January 23, 2010. Before January 23, 2010 my husband Shawn was a strong, virile man. After January 23, 2010, he is paralyzed from the chest down. There I said it. Well, I typed it. I don't think I've actually said it out loud.
I don't really even know where to begin. And I don't really know if anyone will see this. Shawn was one of maybe a handful of people that read my little photo blog over the last year. And my other friends that did follow it already know what's happened. I haven't been here in 10 days and there's no photo for today. I haven't even touched my camera in 10 days.
On January 23 we found out my wonderful, precious husband had a staph infection in his cervical spine. He had to have emergency surgery to remove the infection from discs, bone and his spinal column. This has left him in the state he is in now, which hopefully is only temporary. You can read all about it here, www.caringbridge.org/visit/shawnsharifi. And that's why I haven't been here. I've been over there updating and keeping hundreds of people updated on what's happening.
To say that we are stunned is an understatement. To say that it's surreal is an understatement. We both think it's a dream and everyday we're like wait, why haven't we woken up yet. I don't even know that it's actually hit me yet. A friend of mine told me the other day, this is a marathon not a sprint. And I was sprinting for about 4 days solid. I'm certain I lost about 8 to 10 pounds in matter of days. And in that sprint I'm not sure that I've allowed it to hit me. I just don't know.
In a matter of a day, everything has changed. Everything. Even the surgeon, before he went to operate on my husband's spine for 3 1/2 hours said to me, your life is changed. And I don't even know where or how to start in processing everything. All I do know is that I have to be strong and persevere so that Shawn can have a 100% recovery. And thankfully I have the power and love of amazing people supporting me and Shawn.
So, there's no photo today. And I really need to change the tag line now:) But it's still Shining Lotus, rising out of the muck. To reach my highest potential. Maybe not so much now by taking pictures but by the inspiration of my amazing husband.
Ten years ago, on November 23, Shawn and I got together for a drink. We've been together since then. Shawn and I have known each other since we were kids. Our fathers are both Persian and were working in the same restaurant in DC. They both had American wives and I think when they met, I might have been about 3 or 4 and Shawn would have been 1 or 2. I don't remember anything from that time frame, really. When I was 5, we moved to the suburbs. Shawn's family followed a year or so later. From that time on, I remember holiday gatherings, birthdays and my mom and Shawn's mom hanging out and gossiping. Sadly though, Shawn and my younger brother Mike, had no interest in playing with the girl, so I was usually stuck either listening to the women gossip (ugh!) or taking care of my baby brother or playing by myself. Needless to say, there are a bunch of childhood memories that are great to rehash now as adults. Here's a pic from Christmas, from 1974 or 1975. Shawn is on the far left, in between are my two brothers and I'm on the far right, with the Chihuahua.
Somewhere along the line, when we were teenagers, our families lost touch. When my grandmother died in 1990, Shawn's mom was at her funeral. I was able to chat with Karen for a bit and she told me what Shawn had been up to. See flyer below.
Shawn is on the far left. My roommate and I were always going to check out bands at Zaxx, Hammerjacks, The Bayou, The Rabbits Foot, etc... How had we NEVER heard of this band, especially since I knew one of the guys. Plus, Shawn was a hot, rockin' honey. So a few months go by and my roommates and some friends and I are at Zaxx in Springfield and I see Shawn there. Mind you he hasn't seen me since I was like 12 or so. So I go up to him and ask him if his name is Shahin Sharifi and sure enough it's him. We talk for a few minutes and that's it! I didn't give him my number because I didn't give my number out to band dudes. And he didn't give me his number because he was a hot, rockin' honey in a band and didn't give his number out to chicks. Eventually as fate would have it, I started dating someone and that relationship would end up being totally f'ed up. Shawn and I saw each other briefly, here and there, when I was broken up with the other dude, but clearly it was not our time and I simply wasn't in the right place to be with someone like Shawn.
So, fast forward about 9 years, to 1999. I'm in college, have ended the f'ed up relationship once and for all and think it's time to look up an old friend and minimally apologize for being such a flake. So I emailed Shawn to say hi. That was in March. Never heard back. I emailed him again maybe in the summer (we've got all the emails saved:) and this time attached a photo of one of my paintings. Luckily I did that because the artwork inspired him to reply. Thank god for that painting!!! So we corresponded here and there and it was time for Thanksgiving break, so I was like how about we meet for a drink. He said sure ... we had that drink on November 23, 1999. The minute I saw his face, I knew that I would end up marrying him. It was just a weird premonition. I was only there to apologize for being a flake. My last semester of school, we visited back and forth. In March, I wrangled him into being my boyfriend:) I was visiting and he had a gig. So I asked him when people asked who I was what should I say, am I your girlfriend or what? He was like, yea, I guess you can say that. He proceeded to gleefully introduce me to everyone that night as his girlfriend. 
After I finished school, I moved back to northern VA. November 23, 2001, Shawn asked me to marry him. It was a total surprise. November 23, 2003 we got married. The best 10, 8 and 6 years of our lives.
Yesterday was Crue Fest. A bunch of bands with the headliners being Godsmack and Motley Crue. I used to love Motley Crue, back in the day, but somewhere along the line grunge and hard rock with deeper voices and less squeal became way more appealing to me. So with Godsmack on this bill Shawn and I knew we had to go. It was actually the fifth time I've seen Godsmack. I guess that would make me a serious fan. Plus we had caught some MC shows on VH1 recently and their stuff does still rock.
I decided that this day needed to be documented. So we started with some self timer pics before we left. Poseurs! The definition of poseur, another term for poser, is a person who acts in an affected manner in order to impress others. We were certainly acting in an affected manner! But the only people we were impressing were ourselves! All rocking out in our living room.
I continued to get pics of the day with my camera phone which I've hardly ever used. Too bad I couldn't take even the little point and shoot but the camera phone added its own style to the whole thing.
Turns out Mother Nature had plans for yesterday as well. Lots of rain. But that never spoiled the moment or the day. At first it was sucking a little energy out of the excitement but when I decided I was just going to get wet and not give a fuck, the rain simply added to the whole ambience of the show. Plus it made for great, wet, rock hair:)
As a yoga teacher and student, sometimes I feel like everything I do should somehow reflect the yoga teachings. Sometimes rock music and/or lyrics don't necessarily go along with yoga teachings. However, if you stop and take a moment to pay attention you can find the yoga teachings in rock. I also follow the way of Buddha ... moderation in all things. If all I ever listened to was mantra, I would be missing out on the energy from all other kinds of music. And vice versa. If all I ever listened to was rock, I would be missing out on some very powerful music and sound.
At the show yesterday I was finding a lot of yoga. The energy was really good. People had come together for a common purpose. The sound was elevating and energizing. There was "kirtan," or call and response from the bands to the crowd. There was singing along. At a different show with Shinedown this year, they tell the crowd to look to your left and right, make eye contact with your neighbor, say hi, shake hands, connect. We do that in yoga. Yoga=union.
If there was one thing I could add to rock, it would be some rocking, hard and heavy songs with uplifting lyrics. Not all angst ridden or mad at the world or my life sucks kind of lyrics. But just lyrics about yeah, life is fucking good. And I'm rocking out.
This has been a week of rocking out. Whew ... There was the Mis-Fit gig from last Friday, then Chevelle, Shinedown and Staind in concert on Thursday and finally Baberpaloozafest on Saturday. The party/fest yesterday had 2 acoustic acts and 4 bands and nearly 12 hours after we left, we got home. All this rocking out has been a lot of fun. And exhausting:)
