Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

You recently threw me a curve ball. But I'm not angry about it. I've accepted it for what it is. Obviously you have a Divine plan for me and my husband and I realize that. In fact, I can find gratitude in that curve ball that you've thrown. I'm grateful my husband is alive because what he had could have killed him. I'm grateful for every little bit of progress that he makes every single day. I'm grateful for all our friends and family and coworkers and complete strangers that have prayed for him and sent him healing energy and continue to do so. I'm grateful for my friends that have brought me food and helped me clean my house and clean our fish tanks and take me to the hospital in a snow storm. I'm grateful that I've been able to focus and get the household finances and logistics under control. I'm grateful that Shawn has disability insurance. I'm grateful that our health insurance is covering all of this so far. I'm grateful that my company is compassionate and flexible and understanding. I'm grateful that I get to come home to my kitties every night. I'm grateful for Shawn's amazingly positive attitude and determination. Clearly, I'm grateful for a lot. Because I know that the key to abundance is gratitude.

And this Divine plan of yours, well, I think it might bring more about than even you realize. First, it has made me love my husband even more than I thought possible. And I loved that man with all my might already. Second, Shawn's life is completely altered in an amazing way. He is going to come away from this a new man, as he said tonight, reborn, Shahin Sharifi, The Sequel. I can't even wait to see where this journey takes him and us but just based on his attitude it's going to be great places. And third, the pure inspiration that is coming out of this. Everyone is inspired by my amazing husband. I'm inspired by him in ways I never thought possible. Honestly, if your Divine plan was for Shawn to somehow change this world, well, your gonna get it.

But dear Universe, just like I have to take the good with the bad, well, so do you. And here is my gripe to you. More snow? Are you kidding me? And I'm not being funny here. Did I really need the extreme anxiety of driving home in snow last night, on dark roads, barely able to see, fearful that would skid off the road into a ditch at 9pm at night? Was that in the Divine plan? I don't think I needed that and I really don't see how it taught me anything. And Universe, you know how I'm all about life's adversities being our teachers. And I did write on the gratitude board that I was thankful I made it home safely.

And then this morning, I was actually going to do something restorative for myself and pick up my camera and take a picture of your little snow from last night, because it was pretty. Until, I opened the door and realized, oh yeah, I have to clean off my steps and car and dig out of that stupid snow before I could go to work. So, no, I didn't take any photos of that stupid ass fucking snow. Oh, and was it really, really necessary for that stupid ass fucking snow to keep falling off the trees in clumps onto my head? I mean right now, little tiny things, like having a decent hair day can be pretty huge for me, but no, large clumps of snow had to keep falling on my head, EVERYWHERE I went.

And now there's another FOOT TO TWO FEET coming our way???? What the fuck? Universe, surely you realize that it's so, so important to me to be able to see my husband in the hospital. Why are you making it more difficult for me to do so? And surely you know how much I've had to take on and get done but now I'm going to have to shovel out the car and steps and sidewalk AGAIN???? I sure could use that time for other things.

So dear Universe, I am begging for this snow to not come, if at all possible. Maybe I've got some anger that I'm wrongly taking out on the snow and if that's the case I promise to deal with that. Maybe you're sending it to force me to stay home and if that's the case I promise to back off some and reassess how my time is being spent and spend some more time at home. That's just really hard right now, as you should well know, I mean it is your Divine plan after all.

Ok, that's it. Thank you for listening. I guess I just needed to vent.


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