January 23, 2010

My life, my husband's life and our lives together will forever be defined by before January 23, 2010 and after January 23, 2010. Before January 23, 2010 my husband Shawn was a strong, virile man. After January 23, 2010, he is paralyzed from the chest down. There I said it. Well, I typed it. I don't think I've actually said it out loud.

I don't really even know where to begin. And I don't really know if anyone will see this. Shawn was one of maybe a handful of people that read my little photo blog over the last year. And my other friends that did follow it already know what's happened. I haven't been here in 10 days and there's no photo for today. I haven't even touched my camera in 10 days.

On January 23 we found out my wonderful, precious husband had a staph infection in his cervical spine. He had to have emergency surgery to remove the infection from discs, bone and his spinal column. This has left him in the state he is in now, which hopefully is only temporary. You can read all about it here, www.caringbridge.org/visit/shawnsharifi. And that's why I haven't been here. I've been over there updating and keeping hundreds of people updated on what's happening.

To say that we are stunned is an understatement. To say that it's surreal is an understatement. We both think it's a dream and everyday we're like wait, why haven't we woken up yet. I don't even know that it's actually hit me yet. A friend of mine told me the other day, this is a marathon not a sprint. And I was sprinting for about 4 days solid. I'm certain I lost about 8 to 10 pounds in matter of days. And in that sprint I'm not sure that I've allowed it to hit me. I just don't know.

In a matter of a day, everything has changed. Everything. Even the surgeon, before he went to operate on my husband's spine for 3 1/2 hours said to me, your life is changed. And I don't even know where or how to start in processing everything. All I do know is that I have to be strong and persevere so that Shawn can have a 100% recovery. And thankfully I have the power and love of amazing people supporting me and Shawn.

So, there's no photo today. And I really need to change the tag line now:) But it's still Shining Lotus, rising out of the muck. To reach my highest potential. Maybe not so much now by taking pictures but by the inspiration of my amazing husband.