Thursday, November 15, 2012

Gratitude Day 15 - Thankful for the Insecure, Control Freak Who Doesn't Pay Attention

Yesterday I had an encounter with an insecure, control freak who doesn't pay attention. Note that this description is not made out of judgement but merely observation and this person has called themselves these things. Note that I have no patience for people who don't pay attention on a regular basis. Zero, none, zippy.

I certainly don't claim to be perfect and am keenly aware of my imperfections. And that awareness leads me to try harder to not continually do stupid things. But enough about me, back to the insecure, control freak who doesn't pay attention and why I am thankful for that person. Shawn will love this because he had to listen to me rant about this person and now here I am thankful for them! I've surely lost my mind, right? 

So this situation with this person is not the first, in fact, it is an ongoing thing. And there is no doubt it will continue until I make certain changes where there will be no reason to have contact with this person any longer. I've been working on letting go of the irritation, anger and frustration that ends up taking a hold of me when I do deal with this person. And I thought I had been doing a good job. Until I exploded yesterday. 

I didn't explode towards them. But the anger, irritation and frustration took over and turned a minor headache into a full on raging, can't function, gotta go home and lay down migraine. While I was laying in bed I came to the realization that I'm not really letting go but rather pushing the irritations into a bucket. And the bucket keeps filling until like yesterday it overflowed and left me a mess. 

So I'm thankful for the insecure, control freak who doesn't pay attention because now I know what's really happening within myself. Today I'm drilling a hole in that irritation bucket so that the irritations that go in there will just drain out instead of filling up. 

And I'm also thankful that I got to take a nap with kitties yesterday!

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