I've been dying to get some shots of one of these trees for a few years now. Finally. My friend said it's called a Tulip Tree but I'm curious to find out its real name. This one was so pink. The flower petals look so soft and if pink had a smell it would come from these flowers.
Happy Ostara. Ostara is the pagan/wiccan holiday for the Spring Equinox. When light and dark are balanced. It's a time for fertility, rebirth and new life.
This is pretty significant for us this year. Shawn's life, my life and our life together is in a stage of rebirth. It's all new. The movement he is now experiencing in his legs is a rebirth in his body. There's a new life for me as a caregiver. Shawn came home just shy of two weeks ago as the world around us was starting to awaken. It's like a shedding of the old — the illness, the surgery, the hospital, making space for the new — healing, strength, overcoming all of this.
Each crocus, daffodil, hyacinth and pansy that has bloomed in the past two weeks overcame the hell of this past winter, being buried under 2 feet of snow at one point. And we have overcome the hell of this past winter and are now blooming as well.
Shawn is home and we're trying to find a groove. We are experiencing what I would compare to parents bringing a new born home. They kind of tell you what to do in the hospital, there's books you can read, but seriously, nothing can prepare you. The role of caregiver has been added to my resume.
As a caregiver you have to take care of yourself first, on multiple levels. I know this. I tell people this all the time. But now living it I'm asking when the hell are you supposed to do that? O.M.G. I thought I was short on time before. Now, that said, I realize we are in the process of trying to find our groove. We have with some things. Things that frustrated the hell out of us just a few days ago, we are laughing about now.
I have to start doing some things for myself, so that's one reason why I'm here, right now. The other reason is that I had a photo to post, because I took a few minutes last night to be present with something else. Something that caught my eye and made me realize that whatever I thought had to be done within the next five minutes, could simply wait another 5 minutes. And it did and it was all fine.
The crocus started blooming on Tuesday. The day Shawn came home.
Coming soon ... me. Soon, I will be back here. Shawn will be discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, March 9. Aside from the joy of him being home, there will also be more time. More time for everything. Because those 2 to 4 hours I've been spending at the hospital everyday, will open up. Yes, it's going to be overwhelming with him being home at first. But, we have already overcome some pretty extreme overwhelm. We'll get ourselves into a routine and find our new "normal."
His homecoming will also coincide very closely to the first day of Spring. Rebirth. For him, me and us. I can't wait to have him home. I can't wait to eat dinner with him in our sanctuary. I can't wait to pick up my camera. I can't wait to just sit and be. Just a few more days.
Everything in life is so fragile. Tonight I watched a neighbor's townhouse burn. In a matter of minutes, it went from me hearing a fire engine to looking out the window and seeing smoke coming out of townhouse up the street to that smoke getting thicker and blacker to flames in the front to flames engulfing the entire front and back of the house. The fire department was there and they put it out within another few minutes, the entire event, that I witnessed, probably happening over the course of 12 to 15 minutes. Those 15 minutes have changed the people who lived there, intensely and immediately. Their lives are now in a state of devastation and chaos. Their home, that protects them from the elements, provides them safe harbor and if they're anything like me is their oasis, gone in an instant. Fragile.
Fragile is defined as easily broken or damaged or delicate and vulnerable. Everything about us, our bodies, our homes, our lives are so fragile. My incredibly strong husband who could lift and move anything ... fragile. In an instant an infection got into his body and changed our lives forever. It didn't matter how strong he was because ultimately he was and we all are so vulnerable.
Luckily the people in the townhouse got out unharmed. The fire was caused by their dryer. Luckily for us, Shawn is alive, surviving the crisis that is our health care system (another post on that coming soon) and regaining physical strength. I'm shaken to the core after witnessing the fire tonight. It's just one more thing that reminds me of just how fragile we are.
If we think about this too much, we might never leave our homes. Somewhere along the line we have to have faith that things will be ok in spite of how vulnerable we are. Or that if things aren't ok we will find the strength to overcome it. I have found an insurmountable amount of strength throughout this ordeal. How is it that we can be so fragile yet so filled with strength at the same time?
There's been so many gifts the last few weeks.
The biggest gift, Shawn's recovery progressing and his amazing, positive and inspiring attitude.
The next biggest, the strength given to both of us to endure and overcome this.
Then there's been gifts of food, gadgets and money.
There have been gifts of prayers, healing energy, Reiki, positive thoughts, encouragement and support.
The gifts above are a handmade card and homemade chocolate chip cookies.
I am grateful beyond measure for everything.
